You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
