you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
