You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
