A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
