Plan B is the new Plan A
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
