When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize