dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
