I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
