i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
