To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
