her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
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