I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
