I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
