I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
