She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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