Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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