I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's on the porch naked. Help.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
