3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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