I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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