just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
