Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
