I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
