I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
