I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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