There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
