I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
