just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
