I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
