I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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