She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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