Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
