Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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