I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
