I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize