I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
