How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We are all done wearing pants today
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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