a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize