I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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