I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
