We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
