now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
