My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
wanna go halves on a baby?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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