Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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