Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
