Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
