it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Still dying that you shit outside
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
