doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
