i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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