I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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