When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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