tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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