She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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