i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
