tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
