its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
