I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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