I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
