yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i think my cat just said my name.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
