I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
