I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
