we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
