im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
