just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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