mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
