So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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