this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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