i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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