The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
