pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
