This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
